I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
