My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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