if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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