I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
