I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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