You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
