she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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