If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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