have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
