Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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