this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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