Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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