oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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