he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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