I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i would one night stand the shit outta him
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
