You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
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