seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
