I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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