i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
