Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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