Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
