It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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