The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
