My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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