If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
