im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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