I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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