I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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