I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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