You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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