god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
