i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm like, not good at living.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
