Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
