I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
