i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
