I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
