i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
