nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
