i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
