I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
