It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
