I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
