Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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