exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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