It's like God shit irony all over that family
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
