if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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