So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
either way he was missing a nipple.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
