tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
