I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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