I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
